Thursday, March 22, 2007

my relationship with shiho as a one act play

Persons in the Play:

The Dr.-an old man with a white coat and that mirror thing on his head
Me- an innocent
Assorted Unknown Patients Up to No Good

Time: Everyday of My Life

Scene-A doctor’s office with white walls, located somewhere in my addled brain. A Dr. and a patient sit on two stools.

Me: Doctor, I am sick every morning and every night, and most of the day as well. My stomach hurts, I get confused easily. My palms sweat and I tend to forget to do things; wash my dishes, do the laundry. Other than that, I am in pretty good health. If you could just give me a shot, I’m sure this will all clear right up.

Dr: You are absolutely right. There is no reason you shouldn’t be treated. There is nothing else wrong with you, as far as I can see, and I just happen to have the medicine here in my coat. [Pulls normal looking needle from the pocket of his lab coat.]

Me: That’s wonderful. I am ready to go on with my life.

Dr. Great [Places needle back in the pocket of the coat.]. You seem like a lovely person. You really don’t deserve to be in such pain.[Crosses his arms and leans back on his stool, making no effort to reach towards his pocket.]

Me: [Smiling nervously and leaning forwards in expectation.] So….

Dr: [Grinning slightly and absently] So….

Me: Well, can I have the shot now, or do I need to do something first or….

Dr. The shot?

Me: The injection. The medicine. When can I have it?

Dr. [Looking confused] Oh. No. I can’t give you this medicine.

Me: [Incredulously] But you said you had the medicine. You said that I needed it. That it would help. That I deserve it.

Dr. All of this is true.

Me: Then why won’t you give it to me.

Dr. Hmmmm. I’ll have to think about that one.

Me: What is there to think about?

Dr. That’s difficult. I don’t know.

Me: Well which is it, is it difficult or don’t you know?
Dr.: That’s a good point.

Me: What?

Dr.: I tell you what. Why don’t you stop by Thursday morning and I’ll probably draw up a prescription or…..

Me: [Awash in relief] Thank you Doctor! First thing Thursday morning! I’ll be here, you can count on it.

Thursday Morning

[Me waits expectantly on a stool as the doctor enters and sits down.]

Dr.: Fancy meeting you here.

Me: [Meekly] But you asked me to come by.

Dr.: Did I?

Me: For the medicine…

Dr. :Wouldn’t that be nice.

Me: It would help me out.

Dr.: Yeah, I guess so. It’s a shame that I can’t give it to you.

Me: [Struggling for words.] What!?!

[Unknown Patient enters the room]

Unknown Patient: Hey Doc, can I get some of that potion?

Dr.: This one? [Pulling the needle from his coat]

Unknown Patient: I don’t know. Whatever.

Dr.: [Tossing the needle to the patient.] Sure. Don’t worry about it. Stick it in your arm. Put it in your pocket. Throw it against the wall. Spray it on the floor. It’s not a big deal.

Unknown Patient.:Whatever.

Me: [Mouth agape, struggling for a response.] But….

Dr.: Yes…

Me: I NEED that.

Dr.: Yes. I know. It’ s really too bad. This must be very hard for you. I wish there was something I could do.

Me: You could give me the shot!

Dr. Maybe. It’s a very difficult situation. I have to be very careful about these kinds of things.

Me: But….What!?!

Dr.: I tell you what. Come back here tomorrow morning and we’ll see what we can work out. Just me and you. We’ll have a long talk and I am sure we can fix things up.

Me:[Stunned but relieved.] Thank you so much doctor. I think that I might die if I am not cured soon. I’ll be here. First thing! [Me bounds moronically out the door like a puppy.]

Friday Morning

[Me approaches the door to the doctors office with a large, stupid smile and an unearned bounce in his step. On the door is a sign that reads “Closed Today.” Me pauses in front of the door and hears the faint voices of several Unknown Patients talking and laughing along with The Doctor. He considers knocking on the door, then kicking it down. He holds his stomach as if he is about to vomit and then, meekly, slinks away.]

Monday Morning

[Me is waiting by the door to The Doctor’s Office. It is early, before opening, and he looks like he might have been standing there, against the wall, all night. The Doctor approaches the door with his keys in his hand.]

Dr.: [Casually surprised.] What are you doing here?

Me: You told me to come by on Friday morning.

[The Doctor opens the door and they proceed into the room where me resumes his place on the stool, desperately, and The Doctor ambles about aimlessly.]

Dr.: Really? Did I?

Me: [On the verge of tears.] Yes. And I came by and the door had a sign that said closed…

Dr.: Really?

Me.: [Picking up steam.] Yes. And I went to the door and I thought I heard voices and I am pretty sure you were there and so were other people and they were talking and laughing and I could hear you and I just really need this medicine but I toughed it out all through the weekend and if you could just give me the shot I will forget all of this other stuff and just be grateful, please.

Dr.: You wanted the shot?

Me: Yes!

Dr.: I’m sorry, I threw all of that stuff out this weekend.

Me: [Breaking internally] You what?

Dr.: Well, you said you were dying, so I figured you didn’t need it anymore.

Me:[Broken] I said I would die WITHOUT it!

Dr.:[Conciliatory] Our timing just never seems to work out, does it.

[Me keels over in pain, clutching his stomach with both hands and sobbing]



Anonymous said...

Pick One
1. Get another doctor.
2. Heal thyself (if you know what I mean)
3. transcend the mental confines of yr illness metaphor, realize you need neither shot nor pill to be whole. find your inner whatchamacallit and watch the universe come to you.

BTW, great writing- funny little tragedy you got there. Doctors aint nothing but hos anyway.

Anonymous said...

bro, sack up. seriously. -summer

Matt said...

I'm sorry if this actually happened to you, but it was quite enjoyable to a literary way.

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attempting to silence the voices in my head.