Friday, November 6, 2009

I Forgets

I forgot that it was National Novel Writing Month. David has already got started and I just made a page. I will get thie links up tomorrow. In the meantime here is something ridiculous I wrote about a funny story David told me about the first time he ever heard about internet porn. Behold!

A Letter

Here. I printed this out for you. Pretty good huh? It looks better on a monitor but there is no way I can send it to you. I don’t even know if you have a computer. Do you know how to find this stuff? I didn’t until my buddy showed it to me the other day. He knows all about this stuff. I mean how to find this stuff. I know all about this stuff in real life. You know what I mean! Sorry about the edges. I started to tear off the part with the …what do you call it? Where it has the hole for where the printer pulls it through. Anyway I started to tear off one side and then it ripped so I just said fuck it and gave up and stuffed the rest of it into the envelope. Did you like the envelope? I wanted to print it out too, like the address and stuff, but it got all bunched up, like a car ran over it so I just wrote in your address where it was smudged. Is that still your address? If it isn’t it would be pretty funny if your dad opened this big-ass picture of a dude getting a blowjob right there in dot-matrix! I can see him staring at it like a puzzle and turning it upside down and then realizing that it is a picture of a big old cock right there in black and white. Well, kind of gray I guess. What if the dude’s cock was gray in real life? Do old people have gray cocks? What about Mongolians? Fuck it. I ain’t never going to find out. Maybe we could start a business making envelopes that look like they had been run over by a car. Like paint on ‘em like a tire track. That would be nuts. I bet people would buy them. Would they let us mail envelopes with pictures of dudes getting blowjobs? That would be awesome! People could mail them to people like their dad or something and freak them the fuck out! “What the fuck is this! It’s a big cock!” And then like their moms would find it and be like “What the fuck?” Maybe we could drive a car through paint and then run over an envelope. Or like a bunch of envelopes: like a row of them. Too bad I have a gravel driveway. Is yours still gravel? Or was it oyster shell? Do you guys even have oysters up there? I remember when your dog went running through that tall grass out behind your house because we rolled a bowling ball down the hill and he thought it was a rabbit or something and took off after it and then crashed into it and went flying. That was rad. Didn’t he die? That’s too bad. I am sorry about that. I really like dogs. One of my friend’s moms died from eating oysters. She ate oysters and like an hour later she died. It was in the summer. I don’t know if it was in the summer, but you shouldn’t eat oysters in the summer. They have bacteria in them. Bacteria from when it is warm. There aren’t so many oysters now that we have golf courses. The fertilizer runs of and kills the oysters. Graveyards too. Graveyards kill oysters. Anyway, she died right after she ate them so don’t eat oysters in the summer. I know I sure stopped. Do you think that chick knows that dude? That would be pretty funny if he didn’t. He just showed up and some guy is like, “Hey, blow this dude for a picture.” And the chick is like, “Ok.” That’s fucked up. Or what if they know each other and the dude is like, “Hey, I’m gonna take a picture.” And the chick is like, “Whatever.” But she doesn’t know anything about computers and modems and stuff. But my buddy does. And I guess that dude did too. That’s rad. And now I’ve got a picture of his chick blowing him. Funny. I wonder if I can get a chick to do that. Pose for a picture I mean! I can get plenty of chicks to do THAT! I can hear you now man. Being like, “Yeah, I wonder if you can get a chick to do THAT too!” Haha. Pretty funny. Shut the fuck up mother fucker. Well, let me know what you want to do about this envelope printing thing.

1 comment:

The Morholt said...

Very funny my friend, very funny. I laughed several times and now i wonder where this goes. keep writing.

attempting to silence the voices in my head.