I was walking down Sanjo, towards the shotengai, to attempt to pay my rent. I have been reading Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail and was thinking about writing a post about it. I was going through all the money quotes that Hunter S. has had over the years. Probably the money of the money quotes is "when the going gets weird, the weird turns pro." I was ruminating on that, and how maybe I wasn't completely out of the loop on life, I have just become such a pro that I had to flee to where the weird reigns supreme.
As I crossed Sanjo Ohashi I saw these two Japanese guys in front of me dressed like complete morons, with ratty dyed blond hair. One of them was staggering but they didn't appear to be drunk. They were aggressively fucked up. Two things about Japan:
1) No one will stop on the street and help anyone or try to fix something that is wrong.
2) No one has the ability to recognize those that are fucked up hard.
These two were bumping into people and staring at them afterwards. I was right behind them and I thought, "Jesus, I am going to fight one of these guys in the next minute or so." The shorter one, the one on the right, with the sweat pants, ran into an old man in front of the Lawson and stopped to glare at him. I walked around them and felt them fall in behind me. I thought they might just walk into me from behind. A young man approached on a bike and recognized to girls walking in front of me. They stopped to say hello and moved off to the side. I stepped around them. The dumbass on the left walked up to him and kicked his bike. I stopped on the corner of Kiyamachi and watched. The young man looked like he had no idea what to do and the girls looked a little freaked. He bowed slightly and apologized as the two fucked up jack-offs surrounded him and started to get in his face. I am never sure about how I make these decisions. I don't think I really 'make' them. I walked back and grabbed both of the guys from behind and started dragging them off down the street. The odd part is that somehow in this process, I lost the ability to speak Japanese. Somehow, that little split second that it takes you to speak your not-native language was replaced with the split second of dragging two fucked up on something douches consideration. I looked up and realized people were staring. Of course. This is one of the biggest streets in the biggest tourist city in Japan. Two foreign guys rounded the corner and I was kind of looking at them. So I had these two guys by their throats and I am looking around trying to decide how to explain the situation to everyone. Then they start yelling at me, the two tweaked out guys, I wish they had just punched me so that my reflexes would have kicked in and I could have smashed them. It is so strange, after training to fight for these last two or three years, it was really the last thing on my mind. I was trying to think what to say, to them, and to everyone who might have seen this. Some Japanese guy, with fancy hair and a nice shirt, appeared and did the Japanese version of breaking something up
; he tried to make everyone feel that they were right and it was all okay. Now my verbal ability kicked in. (I apologize for not having Japanese fonts right now) "Who the fuck are you two?" I yelled. "I watched you all the way down the street. You want to fight somebody you don't know?" Unfortunately this probably sounded like I was just asking questions, not that I was out to destroy them. The shorter one offered oddly, "The guy hit me with his bike." "Shut up. Fuck you. No he didn't" Now the guy with the nice shirt, is looking at me like I am the ass and I just need to let it go. Very Japanese. He keeps waving me away saying, "It's okay now." No it isn't. People that walk around looking for a fight, deserve to get it.
As I left the scene and continued to the bank one of the girls came up and thanked me for helping her friend. That was nice.
At the bank my wire transfer was all messed up and I had to call the home office and speak very polite Japanese to get my password unlocked. I think I stressed more about that then choking two guys with dyed blond hair, tweaked out of their minds, at the same time on a street corner.
Oh pro indeed. This is a very rough version full of typos. I will fix it later.