Wednesday, September 17, 2008

UFC Fight Night: In Solitary WItness

Wearing an airbrushed Evan Tanner: The Power of One memorial T-shirt, featuring Evan playing with a neon blue wolf, Dana White approached the podium crying behind his aviator glasses and holding a tall boy in each hand. Apparently Tanner's ghost came and told him that it was his last wish to have this event named after a Cringer song. Thus the line continues.

To the fights:

Miller vs. Kimmons: Two grapplers with great records that I know nothing about. Kimmons has a win by knee bar. Miller has a bigger record. I have no clue, so I will go with Miller by sub in the 2nd.

McFedries vs. Massenzio: McFedries explodes like the drummer for Spinal Tap. He KOs Massenzio in the 1st.

Britz vs. Morris: Both have solid records in the lower orgs. I know nothing. Britz by KO in the 3rd.

Bradley vs. Lauzon: Joe Lauzon is one of my favortie fighters. He is a solid grappler and can hang in there in the stand-up. Joe hangs around and subs Bradley in the 2nd. Then he fixes your internet.

Gouveia vs. Jensen: Gouveia is a big striker. I enjoy watching him wail on people. He will wail on Jensen and KO him in the 2nd.

Sakara vs. Vedepo: If I bet money, Sakara would be the hole in my bank account. Always finding new ways to lose, always finding me rooting for him. I enjoy the Sakara. Sakara by TKO in the 1st. If he loses it will be something else inexplicable.

Schafer vs. Alexander: I don't believe in Alexander, I am not that interested in Schafer. I don't think Alexander the powerlifter has the wrestling chops to hang in with Schafer. I think it will probably be ground dominance for Schafer. Nevertheless, I am calling a win by KO for Alexander in the first 30 seconds.

Herman vs. Belcher: Ed Herman is the UFC Frankenstein, he is big and plodding and you can't figure out how he is beating everyone. I now have some faith in him. Herman by grinding decision. He will take a submission if it is there.

Danzig vs. Guida: I have talked about Evan Tanner's singularity all week. Now that he is gone, it doesn't mean that the sport is devoid of its indivdualists. Mac Danzig is an interesting dude. I world class grump and an wthletic vegan. His photos are actually pretty decent too. I like Guida as well. He always wears his carpenter union patches. That rules. Guida goes 100% for all three rounds. Guida is a better wrestler than Danzig. He has good stand-up. I think Danzig's stand-up is getting better and better. I would assume that his cardio is getting better. His sprawl is good. His subs are sick. His grit is undeniable. I am a Danzig fan and he think he is going to hang in, be losing and pull off an oportunistic sub in the 3rd.

Diaz vs. Neer: Some people are full of piss and vinegar. The Diazs are full of piss, refined mixed into vinegar and brewed up in a still up in the mountains with strychnine and nitroglycerin and then thrown in the revenuers eyes and then those tears are refined through the same process. Whne I give a rundown of Nate Diaz I might as well be giving a rundown of Nick. I haven't really seen their games differ that much. As usual regarding the terrible two any analysis I make is irrelevant as I will never bet against a Diaz. That being he case, Neer is a better wrestler. Neer can put Diaz on his back. WIll it matter? Does he want him there? Subject to much criticism, I like how the Diazs box. I think they know what they are doing. I think Nate will damage Neer on the feet. One of Neers eyes will be swollen coming into the 3rd round. He will desperately take down Diaz who will find a space and sub him.

There it is kids. Drink one for your dead homies. Find a dadgum roof for Chad's house. Wake up Arash Markazi, he is sleeping on the frat porch. Here we goes.

1 comment:

The Artful Insomniac said...

The house is all right, the fence is not. We still have no power. Everyone around is going bat shit crazy for gasoline. I am back at the schoolhouse listening to MMA Sunday School.

attempting to silence the voices in my head.