School Days

Oh 2-4. Oh 2-1. Is tormenting me your primary function?
Or are you there to test my gumption?
Sit there silent in repose,
or shove you bullshit up my nose.
When I yell, "Say something!" 2-1 draws a blank.
2-4, on the other hand, should be beaten with a plank.
And when it comes to smartness, yes,
2-1 is without question the best.
Why must they sit in silence so
as I challenge the sleepers to feel my judo.

They make me f'ing nuts, these kids. They aren't bad kids. They are just retarded-to use the vernacular, not really retarded like the woman crossing the street today who was mentally handicapped and wearing a surgical mask and a brown hooded jacket, looking suspiciously like a Jawa. 2-4 was actually OK today. They were still unruly but I focused it and made it kind of fun, screaming, "How much is the blue dress!" 2-1, who does very well on their tests, sits in silence and stares at me. I was trying to explain that "may I" is for something you want to do but don't know if you can, but "shall I" is something you don't want to do, but know that you should. I was asking, "May I turn off the lights." Dead silence, except for the two boys in the back talking and hitting each other over the head with their folders. I kept asking. Finally I threw my chalk and scored a direct hit on the desk between the boys, the chalk exploding all over both of them. Score. Everyone got all freaked out. I am the scary teacher.

Also, I have hit a point where my seriousness about linguistics and my seriousness about teaching are at odds. Is anyone else there with me? It is tricky to work with the kids on the pronunciation but believe that a huge variety of pronunciations are okay. Or to tell them the rules, and know that there are really other factors governing them that you can't explain it all to them.

By the way, here is some video of me -in the purple hair-teaching class today.