Friday, January 18, 2008
Ｆｕｒｔｈｅｒ Insomnia
It is 3:30 and I have been trying to sleep for 3 hours. Do you think this could have anything to do with my job going away? Hmmm.... Now I remember why I never apply for graduate school. It is the same reason I barely made it out of high school and had to beg to get out of college despite sporting a hefty 3.98 (I think, but it might have gotten a little lower.) The reason is that I have a learning disability that prevents me from performing math on even the most basic level. It is crazy because that sounds like an excuse and the professional diagnosis was nebulous. They told me something to the effect of, "Yeah, you clearly have a problem. We don't have a name for it." So I have to beg out stupid to anywhere I apply because they will notice that my GRE looks like I lost half my brain hammering rail-road spikes until one exploded. In the meantime, I shy away from even trying because I feel like I have to scam and plead and beg, just like everything else with school. Now I remember why I hate this. Plus, I could never pay for any of it. Thank you FSU for not taking me when you had the chance. Thank you Osaka for firing me. I got a mail from my new supervisor today asking me when I would move out of my house. Great. Another teacher that I work with told me today, "All of my friends just got cheap online degrees and now they can teach at any college and make lots of money!" Silly me, I took education seriously and lost out again. Maybe I can get two hours of sleep, go through my day exhausted, and start over again tomorrow.
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6 comments:
Wessie
Don't include your gre scores with applications. Apply to a)colleges and universities that have a rep for accommodating learning disabilities or b) programs that don't require gre scores. My degree program didn't require them, so i got in. the graduate school did, so after a semester or so i took them, though i could have completely bombed them and it wouldn't have meant anything. you could only do worse than me by guessing worse on the math; it was all as much guestimation for me as it would be for you, and my excuse isn't ld, its that i didn't feel like taking any math after my junior year of high-school, so i didn't do it.
I was once infuriatingly informed in a moment of crisis "you wont fall too far or too fast. You are too invested in other people to run out of options." I'd say that to you if I didn't know how patronizing it sounds. Instead I'll say, whatever i can do to help you out, I'll do. Wherever i am, there's a place for you. I know I'm not alone in that. Now get some sleep, bitch!
I concur with Michael Knight. Actually alot grad programs don't require GRE scores, my program did not. I also agree with summer's comment elsewhere on this blog, come back get your credentials which takes a year(maybe too) and go back to Japan. the program at Tennessee was structured so I could come back from San Francisco loaded with debt and get into the grad program at the last possible minute. My wife never took the GRE's. As a math teacher I have to admit that aside from balancing the checkbook and not maxing out your credit cards, one can get by without most of the "maths." Also you have a place to crash in the outskirts of Syrup City, I miss the Knight Rider and the boy from the doughnuts' bag.
Also my wife got a master's and is now a college prof, with no GRE's
PS
Fuck a buncha math!
bro, you are sliding down the slope of wespair (i just made that up! lolz!). i don't respond to anything except doug reilly tough love talks so i can't really give you any advice that won't sound totally mean.
i know you don't want to come back home but you also have a place to stay in pensacola. you would have to fetch me taco bell all the time though. i know you're thinking that would be like us dating again but i wouldn't actually go with you, i'd stay home and watch tv. big difference.
Hate to hear you sounding so down Wes. I think I was letting the GREs freak me out too but my program for grad school doesn't require them either... And if they do then you just explain that you are "more than your test scores" or something. Really, there are always options so make a move already. I'm sure you will do well with whatever you end up doing. But don't psyche yourself out before you even try!
You guys are all too nice and too reasonable. Actually, I already took the GREs two years ago. I did as you would expect, like someone with half a brain. Half of a really good brain, mind you. The FSU film program didn't require them, but they let me down. I just get freaked out by bureaucratic processes, that seem to have a way of overlooking me, or finding me out, whichever one I don't want them to do. I am sure you guys are right though. Did you know that I had to beg to not get kicked out of my AP English class? Me! Not to brag or anything, but if there is one thing I can do it is read and talk about books. Sometimes I just feel like I am in that position, begging for entry to the treehouse.
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