UFC 86: 7 Words

As Chad mentioned, the UFC has decided to suck it up and go on after the political assassinations of political allies George Carlin and Jesse Helms. After the two were found dead in their West Hollywood penthouse, handcuffed to each other with silencer shaped burn marks on the back of their necks, everyone thought this weekend's festivities would be canceled. A teary eyed Dana White stepped up to the podium(which is actually a lectern) in his vintage RUN/DMC t-shirt and announced, as the Blue Angles flew over, that America must go on.

Griffin vs. Aurellio: Submision powerhouse vs. powerhouse. In an exciting fight, Griffin wins via Badonkadonk in the 3rd.

Rollins vs. Saunders: I like watching Saunders as a fighter. He has an interesting hybrid style that isn't seen so much. Rollins is more of a contemporary wrestler come MMA fighter. I think he has the better chance to beat Saunders although I am rooting the other way. Rollins via 3rd round TKO.

(Update: Apparently this fight has been moved. I now changed my pick to Saunders by Minnesota.)

(Further Update: This bout is replaced with Gonzaga vs. McCully. If this fight makes it out of the 1st without Gonzaga shellacking McCully then they should toss him out of the UFC by his ample back hair. McCully is slagged on often and supposedly has a black belt in BJJ. While I am sure he is better than anyone I grapple with he is shite on the big stage. If I could grind out wins by laying on top of people, I probably would too, but Gonzaga was supposed to be the next big thing. Prove it big guy.)

Wilson vs. Bruno: I don't have enough information to make an intelligent decision. All I know is that Bruno got in a helicopter crash while in the Navy. Bruno in the 2nd by surviving a helicopter crash.

Hill vs. Bucholz: I still haven't seen anything great out of Bucholz. Hill is an interesting prospect. He is 6'4" and fights at 155. That is crazy. I got Hill by decision.

Guillard vs. Siver: I used to like Guillard, now I have no idea why he is still in the UFC. He acted like a little crybaby after his loss to Rich Clementi. Guillard is famously susceptible to subs. Siver shows little indication of sub ability. If you are actually betting, Siver is anough of an underdog to put some cash on. I don't bet, so I will reluctantly say Guillard by KO in the 2nd.

Gurgel vs. Miller: I realize that Gurgel is a better grappler than anyone I have ever trained with are been around, but I have still seen nothing that impresses me about him. Miller has done little either. Summer wants to "bone" Miller. He also trains at ATT so I will let that give him the edge. Miller by decision.

Koscheck vs. Lytle: I like both of these fighters. You can really learn a lot by watching Lytle fight. He is also a fireman. Koscheck is one of the better athletes in the UFC and he is consistently getting better. I would like to see Lytle pull out a decision. I know that he is perfectly capable of getting a KO. I see Koscheck by decision though.

Stevenson vs. Tibau: Tibau shows no signs of doing anything that can beat Big Daddy. Stevenson by vicious head-wrenching in the 2nd.

Cote vs. Almeida: Almeida is really my kind of fighter. After a hiatus from fighting, where he was holding it down in the 24 situation room, "Tony" has come back strong. I have a strange soft spot for Cote though, even though he is not "my kind of fighter." I see Cote by a KO in the 3rd. I think he might be putting it all together. I expect him to do well out of the clinch.

Jackson vs. Griffin: Here is the big one. This is rough. I like both guys. Rampage is still a nostalgic throwback to the salad days of Pride. Griffin is someone who always brings it all into his fights. I want to pull for both of them.

Striking: Jackson. Griffin has never showed any KO power. He has one KO over a random Brazilian.

Striking defense: Forrest's is good, but Jackson's might be the best I have ever seen in MMA.

Take-downs: Rampage. He is a power machine.

Grappling: Defensively Rampage is great. Forrest is supposed to be very under-rated on the ground. I'll call the grappling a wash.

Stamina: Forrest. Forrest. Forrest. This is not a knock on Rampage, but Forrest's stamina is among the best in the business. He can hang in there at almost a light-weight's pace.

On paper Rampage has this all the way. I put Forrest in the category I put Bisping in: He is the most athletic guy you know, not a great athlete. There is one factor that overrides this; he beat Shogun. That might not mean so much to American fans, but Shogun is fucking Shogun! He was amazing at 205 until Forrest choked him out. That is the only way that I can see Forrest pulling this one out. I cna see him hanging in there for as long as he can, getting Rampage tired and jumping on his back and choking him. That would be quite a feat. It is more likely that Jackson will get a TKO around the 3rd.

Eat some watermelon with some salt on it. Call Arash Markazi and tell him how "with-it" he is. Pull for the underdogs. Pray for the intertwined souls of Jesse and George. Take it to the office.