Happy Halloween

Sometimes I miss the radio show. I would have been doing my annual Halloween show this week. Here is a tune I always played on it. I guess it would be Saito Kofun Matsuri practice about now. And Kagoshima dragon boat racing. And Miyakonojo Halloween party. Instead I taught the handicapped class about colors and gave them a little plastic pumpkin. I bought a few of them and a bunch of candy to give out until I remembered that it is a Japanese school and I can't give out candy.

Me = a Prick?

I will tell you my story. You be the judge. I will explain my reasoning after.
I awoke this morning after sleeping a solid 12 hours on cold medicine last night. I wandered down to Omiya station in a flu like daze around 7, chugging on a warm Royal Milk Tea and trying to come to terms with the universe as it revolved.
On the platform I realized that I was standing in the line for the 3-door train when the 2-door train was coming. Losing my place in line, I shook my mucous sodden head and moved to the back. As the line further formed behind me I heard a voice with surprised energy declare questioningly, "America!?!" (everything said by me from this moment on will be in Japanese-as I refuse to entertain these people-everything said by the perpetrator will be in dumb English.) I looked around at the air and subway tiles and the backs of people's heads and settled on the face of a balding man in a boring grey suit next to me. I looked around for a while again and then turned back to him and said, "Japan!?!" "Yes, Yes. America?" He responded with enthusiasm. I pondered for a second. I couldn't think. I couldn't really grasp what was going on. "What do you think.....I don't know.....maybe." Was all I could come up with. "Oh. I don't know. Perhaps." He said, pleased with himself.
At this point, I whipped out the razor blade that I keep tucked between my lip and my gums like a wad of tobacco and sliced both of his cheeks open so his face flapped like a tall ship at the bicentennial. "Happy Halloween motherfucker!" I screamed, did an Indian war whoop and jumped off the platform, running into the darkness of the tunnel screaming.
Now, part of that story is completely false. As for the part that isn't; it might be hard to understand if you don't live in another country. Not so much if you are not white and live in America. You probably know what it is like to have someone remind you every day for no reason that you are not one of them. I am waiting on a 7:18 train to go to work with a cold, and all I exist for is to amuse some yahoo with the fact that I am not him. It gets old. Maybe if he was a hot chick, I would be happy about it. It just works my nerves. Do you know me? It is a weird approach anyway. It isn't, "Oh, I see you in the morning. Do you take the train to work?" Or anything like that. It is just shouting your speculated nationality at you.

Still Feel Like Garbage

I need to write about the bunkasai. I need to return my late videos. All I can do is come home sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night, struggle to go back to sleep, wake up tired and then repeat the process again.

Today at school we tried to teach "I like. He/She likes." It went terribly. The underlying problem is that the kids have never been taught subject/verb. They don't understand verbs. I explained "He is. She is. I am. He likes. She likes. I like." So they would write things like "He is likes." I told the teacher that it is hard to go forwards when they can't understand that you can't have two verbs. She said, "Maybe. But this is what we have to teach now." So we have to teach them something they don't understand when they have no structure to fall back on and then we move on from there. That is why no one can speak English here.

I Feel Like Doo-Doo

I have a ton of stuff to write about but I feel like the marrow is slowly being sucked from my bones. I cowboyed up and got the bunkasai together this week. I even made it to the nomikai (drinking party). I thought if I slept late on Saturday and everything would be all good. As usual the rule has been followed; whenever "all good" is uttered, things are far from good. Witness Murray's for the Miyazaki literate. I think my cold crashed dived into my tendons and is now devouring every solid structure in my body. I sucked it up and went downtown today, as the weather is beautiful but I found that my cold, and its accompanying medicine had rendered my sense of depth perception out of whack. Not conducive to a weekend in the Kyoto shotengai. I was getting freaked out just looking at people moving so I packed it in and came home. All I can do is sit here or sleep. Unfortunately I have to meet up with my friend Akko tonight as I promised to take her to birthday dinner last week, but that never materialized either. I should prove great company, not being able to taste anything and counting down the minutes until I can slip back to sleep. I don't even have the energy to return my late videos.

Miyazaki's Blowin' Up

An article giving props to Miyazaki.

Genarlow Wilson

The Georgia Supreme Court corrected a huge injustice, although 2 years to late, and has ordered Genarlow Wilson freed from jail. This case was disgusting and ridiculous. I hope it has drawn enough attention to get Mr. Wilson a second chance at college.

Headlines

Pit bulls kill cancer boy's miniature horse

That was the headline. Honest. A sad story. Oh, the headline.

Midnight Madness

A Tuesday night sleep marathon helped me through my cold. I hoped for more of the same last night. The bosozoku, however, had other plans. For some reason they have been congregating around Nijo Eki lately. What a narcissistic pastime. Little fuckups. And the police do hardly anything about them- accept for chase them around, which is what they want. If it were America I think they might last around 20 minutes. If it were Northwest Florida, I think it would go something like this: Do you remember them boys what rode them motorcycles?
Nope.
HeHeHe. Damn Right.
I think they should completely legalize them. But they should also allow everyone who wants to to carry a shotgun loaded with rock-salt, or a baseball bat.

Last night they were chasing peoples cars and screaming "Your back door is open!" And then revving their engines. It is so ridiculous.

They broke up after 12 sometime and I tired to get to sleep. Whereupon Alex and Cam decided it would be funny to give me the insistent drunk phone call. I wouldn't answer, but this lasted for about 20 minutes as my keitai played "The Boys are Back in Town" through my dark apartment. I couldn't set the alarm on my keitai because it would answer the phone. With friends like these uh?

Japanese Justice System

I ran across this in the Japan Times today. I remember when this happened in Miyazaki. It was terrible. This guy had a reputation as a real asshole, but that has nothing to do with the awfulness of his story. His house was set on fire and he woke up and ran out and then couldn't get back in to get his wife and daughter. His other daughter had just gone away to college. Some of my students were classmates with the daughter who was killed. In this report it says the arsonist was a thief. I had heard that he was a crazy guy who said that he thought it would be fun to set something on fire. Probably deserves more than ten years.

Teaching the English

I have been teaching a buttload of classes with this cold. I have reached a strange kind of high, where I am simply wandering through the scenery three seconds behind everyone else. Yesterday at Mikuni one of my English elective classes had to put on the small plays they wrote a few weeks back. Four of the boys did a scene with three hikers and one bear. Matsuda, the judo black belt played the bear. "Hello, I am bear." Was his line. They then proceeded to do the conversation from the book asking the bear to take their picture and then inviting him to lunch. It was a pretty money junior high moment.

Today I was so sick, I barely made it through class. I slept on the train, straight through Sanjo to Demachiyanagi so I had to get another train back to the subway. In class we did a terrible lesson where we read about Hikozo meeting President Lincoln. The only good part about that class is that one of my students, Ms. Han, is Chinese so I make her teach me Chinese during class. All I can say is "How many sheets of paper?" Sorry Susan.

UFC 77

I got to watch Anderson Silva defeat Rich Franklin last night. I think it is safe to say that Silva is one of the great great martial artists of our time. He looks prepared to go on a Matt Hughes like run. His performance was nothing short of amazing.

Return to the Netherworld

Every year in Japan I get a hellacious cold. I though I would avoid it this year since I am not working any pre-schools and had been taking my vitamins. But I have been off the vitamins and I ride a crowded train everyday. So, I have a cold. I feel rotten. I did four good classes today but I started to think I had a fever. I came home and went to sleep. When I woke up and picked up my shirt, i was still wet with sweat, so I guess it was a fever. I didn't get colds so much in America, I just have no resistance to the Japanese strain....if you know what I'm sayin'.

UFC 77

I was exactly right about Franklin vs. Silva. The end. If I were a psychic that would be enough to keep me booked on Larry King for the year. I had Bonnar right, but off by a round. Sadly wrong about Vera although I still think he is the real deal. Silvia is just a rough opponent. Sadly this will keep him around for a while longer. I think that Franklin will never see another reign as champion. I can only see Silva being taken out by a great wrestler with exceptional takedowns who can somehow avoid being kneed in the process. Then, if he can take the crown from Silva maybe Franklin could come in and take it back, but I don't really see that happening.

It Done Got Cold

Growing up in Florida, usually around Halloween a slight breeze would come in and one would get the notion of what fall might be like in places where they had fall. November in Florida is like an uncomfortable impression of Autumn by someone who has only heard about what it is like. Winter gets dilly-dallied with like a retiree taking up painting; it might happen, it might not.

Japan gets cold like teenagers get pregnant. It seems like an accident. A joke. You are walking around in a t-shirt one day, deciding whether you should wear flip-flops or if you can summon the effort to put on socks, then that evening you are searching franticly for your gloves and jamming your fingers far down into the pockets of a jacket that smells like dust and mold. And then it stays cold until sometime after the last hanami. A deep, wet cold that hangs in every floorboard. That torments every morning shower.

UFC 77 "Tuff Titty" Illegal Betting Guide

I actually don't believe in gambling. It's socialist. I didn't even realize that the last UFC had happened as I was locked in the guest house being fed Korean food through a funnel and listening to my neighbor chant and cry. But, here I will give you the no-shit, honest to god, straight dope for UFC 77, with the disclaimer for this year of competition: Shit Happens. Belive it. Forrest Griffin beat Shogun. That is ridiculous. Does the step down from no drug testing to vague and spotty drug testing make that huge a difference? Bringing mere mortals into contact with kakutogi godheads? The mind boggles.

Jorge Gurgel Vs. Alvin Robinson: Gurgel has 3 straight decisions. 2 wins to 1 loss. A decision win over Danny Abaddi does not a legend make. Nevertheless ALvin Robinson submitted to strikes from Kenflo. Gurgel by decision.

Matt Grice Vs. Jason Black: Black is coming of 2 losses. Black by superhero sideburns.

Jason McDonald Vs. Yushin Okami: The smart money is on Okami, but I hate Japanese people. I like Jason McDonald's fighting style (submission submission submission.) McDonald by submission in the 2nd.

Stephan Bonnar Vs. Eric Schafer: Continuing the comeback from his steroid suspension, Bonnar is really fighting against obscurity. It is an uphill fight. I still feel that he has some of the strongest technical skills, especially with his boxing, in the game. Not a brutal athlete however. It should be enough to carry him past Schafer. Bonnar by 3rd round KO.

Demian Maia Vs. Ryan Jensen: Would you like me to pretend I know something about either of these guys? Just call me Arash Markazi. (Booyakasha!) Maia by decision.

Kalib Starnes Vs. Alan Belcher: Kalib Starnes by decision by virtue of saying that the more he read Chomsky the less he cares about the UFC. Word.

Josh Burkman Vs. Forrest Petz: I somehow missed the Burkman train, but everyone seems to be on board. woo-WOOT! I enjoy M. Petz's tasty breaded candies, however, Burkman by decision.

Brandon Vera Vs. Tim Sylvia: I want to be a contrarian and believe that Tim Sylvia is actually likeable and a really decent fighter. I can't summon the vinegar. Sylvia is doo-dootastic. Vera is rad. Vera has the hype machine firmly pressing his amble booty, yet I believe it. Sorry Flavor. I used to think Vera had some of the worst tattoos in MMA until I read that they are ancient Filipino writing. That's cool. If I hear one more commentary about Vera being underweight I will vomit the tasty manju tearing at my belly. Vera weighs almost as much as Fedor or Crocop. Not everyone who can cut weight, has to cut weight. I assume that Vera's plan will be to use his impressive low, mid and high kicks to chop down the doofus tree that is Sylvia. Sylvia's people know this too. Arlovski was attempting this strategy in their uber-boring rematch until he apparently injured his leg. Vera is technically far better than Sylvia, but I will not sell big Tim's power short. He punches well. If Vera slips up he can be out, quick. Ask Andre from Belarus. Vera by 3rd round KO.

Rich Franklin Vs. Anderson Silva: I like Rich Franklin (his absurd advice to Matt Serra not withstanding). I like him as a person. I like how he trains. I like how he fights. Anderson Silva doesn't care about what I like. He is an out of control, born to fight, freak. You look at him and wonder how it is happening, but he punches like a truck and survives on the ground. People complain about his showing against Lutter, but they forget that Lutter's jiu-jitsu top game is world class. I love Silva's use of the body triangle and his lethal clinch. Franklin has never been a one punch KO power guy, even though he is physically bigger and stronger than Silva. He wears people down with well executed combinations. His ground game is solid and rough. All of my respect for Franklin can only help him survive the first. Silva by KO in the 2nd.

Tune for this cold, soggy day

Does every generation believe that it came up amongst the greatest music yet devised? Well, at least some of us did.

My Christmas Miracle

I set my alarm to wake up at 6:10 Wednesday morning. I woke up at 7am. I hate being late anywhere. I hate it. I missed so much school because I didn't want to turn up late. I was awash with panic. I decided not to shower, brushed my teeth, formulated a plan and went out the door. Instead of taking the subway to Sanjo and walking through Pontocho to Hankyu Kawaramachi, I grabbed my bike, hauled ass to Omiya and illegally sashed my bike. I caught the 7:14 train that I always get from it's origin further down the line at around 7:20 and still got a seat. Should I shift my strategy and move my whole game west, swearing off old Kyoto? It almost rivaled Mr. Brady being pulled from his collapsed building.

Didn't mean to back to back youtube but I happened on this. Thank you David Cross for somehow convincing people to listen to things that I say all the time to an audience of blank stares.

tune for the day

wanted to use this DJing once but it is impossibly slow.

English Edumucation

If every ALT pontificated upon education in Japan, a swamp like flow of verbal diarrhea would overcome our bilge. Nevertheless, being trapped at a desk and confronted with questions from real English teachers everyday leads one to oration.

Problem: When first year students come in they have a large wheelbarrow of English dumped in their laps and have no idea what to do with it. Over the next two years the wheelbarrow turns into a dumptruck. They are confronted with teachers of various talent levels possibly helping them sort through the mess.

Let me give you an example from the second year text book: Some people believe that when a language disappears that culture disappears also.

As much as I agree with the sentiment, what is a kid who can't manage the difference between "I" and "you" supposed to do with that? That sentence is part of a larger dialogue about Ainu culture. The book is made up of chapters much like that. The kids are expected to learn these dialogues. I believe this was from pressure on the government to increase knowledge of minority groups in Japan, which is all well and good, but what sense does it make when the students can't understand anything being said. The teachers, for the most part, struggle to understand the material, so everyone ends up memorizing words or sentences instead of trying to learn how to speak.

The kids never learn how to diagram a sentence. They don't know what a noun or a verb is. They don't know subject or predicate. They don't know what an object or an adjective is. This is not a plea for "back to basics' education, but to give the kids an underlying structure that they can fall back on when confronted with language they don't understand. Japanese speakers of English largest problem I have seen over the years is an inability to figure out what is the important information in a sentence and what can be put to the side. This is the most important skill in trying to get by in a foreign language, as you will never understand 100% of what is going on.

My solution would be to teach the first years: I am. And then add words on to the end of that and then expand to you and he/she. And so on. That way, when confronted with the example sentence above, they can think "Ok, I don't understand but I see 'people' and 'believe.' There are my subject and a verb." That's all they have to do.

Here is how the system is set up to fail. I am the only person in the school that can speak English. The school has three grade levels of six classes each. I have eighteen English classes, which I am split between. I go to classes like a break for them, like a treat. I have nothing to do with curriculum, or test preparation or anything of that sort. I wish they would give me one grade level for a year. Or even one class for a year. I would do 20 minutes of sentence diagrams and have them read Hop on Pop for the next twenty or so. (The kids can't read either.) Of course, outside of some private schools, foreigners can never be treated as real teachers. Some of that is reasonable. Most of the ALTs I have known aren't qualified to teach macaroni art at the senior center, but if the Japanese government were serious about education they could seek out capable foreigners and capable Japanese speakers for English. But that won't happen, because they aren't serious. Additionally, allowing non-Japanese to occupy actual, substantive role in their society is not going to happen anytime soon.

Couture vs. Gore

I keep feeling like I should comment on the co-incidence of the abrupt resignation of Randy Couture from the UFC and Al Gore being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I feel very little though. I was never a Couture fan. I have nothing against him. Props. But he was never one of my favorite fighters and I don't think his departure is as major a blow to the sport as newcoming sportswriters (has our little Arash Markazi weighed in yet?) seem driven to make it out to be. Cro-cop's rapid decline is more of a story.

As for Al Gore. That is great. Wonderful. But we are still doing absolutely nothing and it is pretty late in the game. It is going to be bad before it gets a chance to get better. I don't think people understand how this will effect crops and increase the rate of desertification. People don't care. So I am glad that Al Gore cares. I am glad the the right wing is in a tizzy. I hope it amounts to something.

Radio Ragga

One of the great lost songs of our time. I wonder if Dave Smalley is still pretending to be a Republican. Unfortunate.

Ceviche

Prompted by Anthony Bourdain, I attempted to make my first ceviche last night. I went down to Nishitachi and got some octopus. I think I offended the fish lady. I made sure it was really fresh, as the recipes kept insisting it should be. It took so damned much lemon juice, 12 lemons. I spent too much money. I couldn't find any hot peppers. I used onions and Tobasco and some peppers. In the end it wasn't bad, but it was heavy on onion and light on protein. I think I might try something with shrimp and fruit next. I used the leftover lemon flavored onions on top of some pasta tonight and it was pretty okay. I consulted my personal nutritionist, Natsuki, who informed me that Japanese lemons aren't acidic enough to really make a ceviche. Oh well.

Happy Slappy

It was bound to happen. After years in the Japanese schools system I finally witnessed a slapping. I am not sure what I supposed my reaction would be but it turns out it is to do nothing and sit at my desk. I thought someone had just knocked over the printer, but then I noticed the student standing really straight and surprised. I don't really know the teacher, but he is kind of a doofus. I should point out that this is all the way across a very large office form my desk and directly in front of the vice-principal, whom I like very much. The douchebag teacher must have slapped the kid at least three times, hard across the face. For a second I thought it was Ogura from judo club who speaks very softly, except in class where he answers all of the questions and knows a lot about geography. In judo he just kind of shakes his head and remains sure that I am incapable of knowing or doing anything the right way. When I thought it was Ogura I was ready to bound across the room and tackle the guy. No one seemed to react. It was very odd. I would be interested in an explanation. I think it is only a comment on one's failure as a teacher. Although the teacher's role in Japan is essentially the moral upbringing of the child, which brings on new concerns. I would never slap a kid, but I think there are a few who need a physical confrontation to knock them of their bullshit go-kart. Anyway, that teacher will look nothing other than ridiculous to me from now on.

TUF

I finally got a chance to see a little bit of this seasons The Ultimate Fighter. Matt Serra, who I love, is coaching against Matt Hughes, who i find retarded. Pete Sell is coaching for team Serra. Sell has been one of my favorite fighters since his UFC debut against Phil Baroni, which is one of my highest rated fights of all time. Very underrated. The last to seasons of UFC has vindicated my affection. Last season he got drunk and proceeded to act like me when I am drunk. This season a fighter was complaining about being stuck on the show and wanting to leave the house. Let me see if I can render Sell's statement on the matter, keeping in mind his ridiculous Long Island accent. "You in a million dollar house where you can eat anything you want and I think about people in other countries and people who ain't go no home and you be 'look at me in my shackles and chains.'" Money, Pete Sell. Money.

secret photo rebellion

.

My friend Miho, the kimono enthusiast, invited me to a kimono exhibition. It had some beautiful kimono, which I would like to discuss in-depth here, but they didn't allow photography. One of the designers even took the time to explain how he made this very complicated design that looked like the front of a machiya and had complicated details embroidered into the fabric. He said it took him four months to make. There were some remarkable designs and some that were pretty crap. The fabrics were dyed.

Miho and Mayumi are boycotting my photography as I don't notify them that I am taking a picture and this flusters people. This was the first time I had seen Mayumi in clothes that were not yukata. We ate souffles, I thought mine taste a little heavily of egg, but...

Uniqlo

I have a migraine and it is threatening to get cold. I went to UNIQLO and got some pants a long sleeved shirt and a new hat as my winter clothes are still at Tatsuya's. Teramachi was packed with people anxious to bust out their fall clothes. But it is something other than cold. Something bordering on hot. Random Walk finally got the next installment of Master and Commander in. A band of two guys and two girls in yukata were walking around in a small parade. One of the girls was playing a drum and the other was playing a clarinet. They were prett good but I am sure it was just an add for something. This week at school is all test so a book should come in handy. My friend Miho is giving me a stack of unused blankets and futon from her house, so I am taking the subway to Yamashina tonight for the first time.

I am watching season three of The Sopranos and it is as good as people make it out to be. I have been eating nothing but Ritz crackers for the last month. I was trying to get around to saying something but i forgot what. Between Uniqlo and the dollar store I would like to say a big thank you to Chinese slave labor. Thank you Chinese slave labor.

Uchi Mata!

Today I Uchi Mata-ed a black belt. I did it the MMA way with one arm trapped in a whizzer. He was surprised as many Japanese people assume that you must know nothing that hasn't been taught to you in class. He said "Oh." And got back up.

Read Books

In the last little bit I read Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk, The Cider House Rules by John Irving, and The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. Lullaby was good, but not a staggering work of genius. I read it during the course of a slow work day. Interesting. Not unsettling. The Cider House Rules was far better than I thought it would be. An immensely good book, and I feel weird about saying that because Irving is so popular, but novels are strange; sometimes popular and talent coincide. The Name of the Rose was the first book in a while that I had to stop and read back over the page I just read. It wasn't exactly mind blowing but it is very interesting and thought provoking(even if the thoughts weren't quite as deep as one would aspire too.) I am surprised that this book doesn't come up more here as we reach the intersections of science, religion, and torture; all of which The Name of the Rose meditates on. I seem to remember it being my grandmother's favorite book, but that might have just been the movie.

America!

Another reason America is the greatest country on the face of the earth.

Beatin' on the Children

Judo has been kicking my ass, but I am really enjoying it. Smacking around the chu gakkuseis. Here is a video of Yawara-chan, who is rad. The announcer says that her winning waza is osoto-gari, but I don't think it really is. I could be wrong. I try to score off of this version at least once every practice. I think I did today.

A New Hatred

I have a new magazine/newspaper writer to hate. I will put him onto the mantel next to the hopeless Arash Markazi (who likes to search his own name). A month or so ago this article was in the Japan Times. It is garbage. Not for confusing the facts, or missing the point, but for showing what a supreme lack of talent will result in when given room to run. Simon Bartz, if this article is "special to the Japan Times" I would hate to see what happens when they ask you to just crank something out real quick like. The only "special" this conjures involves the saying, "gets a check" if you know what I am mean. A bus of substandard length, if you will. Truly rotten.

Undo Kai

undo kai174, originally uploaded by wwc photos.

Last Saturday at Imaichi Chu the craziness that is an undo kai ensued. I was supposed to run in the relay. I stretched and got warmed up. I was stationed in front of the students. I got them all fired up for my running, even though I am slow and haven't run a relay since grade school. As Kita sensei (the rather hot home ec. lady who is 22 and recently told me she played sweeper on her junior high boys soccer team and tried to in high school until they made her quit) approached with the baton, I realized that she completely didn't notice me and ran right past me. I briefly considered running after her but thought better of it.

Earlier in the day, the teachers played a game versus the PTA in which we were supposed to roll a rugby ball down around a cone with a baseball bat. It was a team relay. Everyone would try to go slow and control the ball. But it is a rugby ball and it will bounce where it wants to. So I said, "Why don't we just nail it?" Everyone kind of thought I was joking. One of the old lady teachers had the turn before me. She ran back and collapsed on her face right in front of me., holding the bat up in the air. I asked if she was okay, took the bat, stepped to the side, pointed up in the air, and nailed the rugby ball. It traveled perfectly to the backside of the cone, bounced once and stopped. I ran down. Trapped with my foot and knocked the crap out of it. It spun perfectly back to the starting point and I ran back pointing at the student section and reveling in my heroism. Oh, undo kai.

I'm Alive

Here is some rainy day listening for you.
I am out of the guest house and into my own apartment.
It is small, but it is brand new and has a loft. The stove is electric and garbage and turns itself off whenever the water approaches a boil. The sliding glass door is frosted over so I can't see outside if it is shut. It already had a brand new washing machine, refrigerator, flat screen TV and internet. The internet won't let me download things peer 2 peer. Motherfucker. It is pretty nice. The view out of my window is of Nijo Station. It is a pretty rad area. A little removed, but... It is more like Japan and less Japanesey than Higashiyama. In any case, I should be able to post on the regular and receive mail again, so, dozo.