Poverty

I won't bore you with my hard-luck year. Every month I think I am done with my poor man's crisis. Unfortunately... The Japanese system is retarded. You get paid once a month and that is usually two weeks into the next month. So, while I have been working for a month, I find myself with $30 to get me through until next Tuesday. I don't think this is actually possible. What happened was this: Towards the end of last month, my work asked me to submit all of the paperwork for my work hours and travel expenses. I had been paying my travel each time I went but the forms specified that, except in rare cases, I should buy a commuter ticket and get the receipt. I really like my new job, and I wanted to do the right thing by them so I bought the tickets. This, combined with my travel for the sub work I was doing for them and the training added up to about $400 in travel expenses. This is included in my next paycheck. Meanwhile, my old job probably isn't going to pay me anything because I walked out on them and didn't fill out all of the tax forms and..... I also realized that the Monday after next is a holiday so I am super screwed. Actually, i f I make it that far I will be stoked. I found myself yesterday considering whether people would look at me as evil if I started killing ducks in Kamo Gawa. It is 'Kamo' Gawa for Christ's sake. There are also large Koi roaming its waters. I could have fish and duck. I now where some eggplants and tomatoes are still on the vine. I also found a cabbage patch. I probably wouldn't get shot. I found myself today pondering rolling drunk old men for their wallets. I sold 16 books today, thinking that they might give me 300-500 yen each for them. In total I got 500 yen ($5) for the batch. That was rough. The lady at the book store said, "How are you broke? You are an English teacher in Japan." Welcome to my world baby. I am still living like a pauper (except for that fiasco where I bought a drill to hang a hammock and found it didn't work so I had to rent a drill and the bit broke and I lost about $100 dollars on the whole fiasco.) One of my schools I don't have a commuter ticket to, so I am thinking of riding my bike for two and a half hours to get there because a one way ticket is 390-yen and I could eat for a day on that. Every month I think this is over. Don't get me wrong,everyone should have to do this once. It is a good lesson, but I have already learned it. I found some Mayonnaise in the fridge and a dozen eggs were only 150-yen so I am thinking that 2 dozen deviled eggs might get me through a day or two. I could take to the hills and hunt inoshishi. I had a student on Friday give an introduction in which he said, "Friends and money are important." I asked, "Is money really important?" He responded in the affirmative so I asked him for some. He said no so I asked further, "What if I punched you in the face and took it?" Everyone laughed at my joke...but it wasn't. I think I might punch him in the face and take his money. This really all goes back to ten years ago when, having a perfect credit history, the company decided that I now had bad credit so I couldn't have a card anymore. Why? Because I transferred schools which they read as dropping out of school and defaulting on school loans. When shown their mistake they responded, "Yes, you are right, but...what can you do? Go fuck yourself." Well I have been for a decade and I have no credit card still. So do you think if I tape my knife onto a long stick and sit quietly in the woods behind Nanzenji I can get an inoshishi? Then I could steal eggplants from the river and boil it all with some stolen cabbage. If you have any no money eating advice, please let me know. I am thinking I might go with tofu and vitamins for the rest of the week. Oh, Gion Matsuri starts this weekend and we are supposed to be having a cocktail party at my house on the 15th. If you are in town, stop by. Great time to be broke. Maybe I can sell the washing machine. These are glorious days my friends. Glorious broke-ass, motherfucking, stupid days.